If I Won the Lottery!

My wife asked me what I'd do if I won the lottery. Well, if I won the lottery, I says to her, the first thing I'd do is call a wig shop to see if they have those colonial era powdered wigs 'cause I always wanted to wear one of them, but I was afraid of how people would treat me. But if I had a few million bucks, I think I could pretty much get away with anything. So, I'd also go to the local gym and hire me about eight female body builders, the kind with ripped abs and fake boobs, to carry me to work on one of those carriages people carried back in the day wearing tiny little gold lame bikinis... the girls would be wearing the bikinis, not me. I thin k wig is enough flare. And then I'd have 'em surround me as we walked around the place two or three times so everyone could see me in my wig and with the babes and then into the bosses office where I'd quit. But I'd do it in French and end with some rude nasally noises like french people do and then leave. And I'd have a navy blue tux with tails on too. And I'd probably also have a mediaeval band accompany me that would throw off their peasant clothes when we got outside and turn into a high tech Bollywood band. And everyone would go "WOW! Who knew the flute payer was a hot Indian actress man!" But I wouldn't kiss her, 'cause look at the crap that Richard Gear had to go through after kissing that Indian gal that day. So I'd probably bring along some non-Indian babes too with the band. You know for kissing.

Then on the way home I'd hit the Mercedes dealer and Soooo get the under-coating and extended warranty and sports package and Bose sound system. And in the back, seat stretched out on a couple of the laps of the body builder, while one peeled me a grape and another drove the car, I'd wonder, "Now that Michael Jackson is dead, what ever happened to John Merritt's remains?"

Then that night I'd throw a huge party and invite all the right people and some lawyers too. But when the lawyers got there, I'd have the bouncer, probably more of those hot body builder babes, stop them and tell them they're so not on the list and you're gonna have to leave sir or madam and make a huge scene. And I would so laugh and have people raise me unto their shoulders like I actually did something and I'd hit the disco ball, that I bought right after the powdered wig, with a bat and it would break like a pineada and iphones would rain down on everyone with one year free unlimited service including text and web. And they would text everybody from their new phones to tell 'em what a rad party they're at and how cool I am.

So then I asked Daya what she'd do. But she just sat there reading her book like she didn't hear me and it was real quiet for awhile and then we went to bed.