Standoff

Emma, aged 20, was sitting with her back to me at the dining room table facing the french doors opposite her that led to a small backyard deck. She was quietly tapping away at her laptop when a rather large squirrel, or as Emma would later describe, a grizzly sized squirrel landed on the deck rail just feet away from the open door. Everything was mostly quiet except for a gasp from Emma as she instantly and simultaneously crouched down a bit and grasped the table top, it’s mere wood construction creaking under the strain of terror. The squirrel assumed a similar pose and tightly clutched his wooden perch as well. 

Very little was said, but from my vantage point, it was clear what was being thought:

Emma: “Oh my God he’s huge”, she thought quietly so as not to alarm the squirrel.

Squirrel: “Holy crap, it’s one of those big hairless ape-like things”

Emma: “It’s looking right at me! I think it’s gonna attack or something! They carry rabies, don't they?!”

Squirrel: “It’s looking right at me. Jesus, Don’t they like eat squirrels?”

Emma: “If I move slowly, maybe I can slam the door closed before it comes in for me.”

Squirrel: “Her legs are like 30 times as long as mine. No way I can turn and run. If I can just make the roof line. But the roof is towards the ape thing!”

Back in the unimagined real world, Emma, makes a slow move toward the door.

Emma:  “Oh God it came toward me. It’ so mean looking!” and freezes.

Squirrel: “Oh God, it moved toward me as I moved. What the hell!”

Emma: “I think I can make it if I dash to the door.”

Squirrel: “OK it looks somewhat intelligent. I’ll just use the international sign of friendship to mollify it and move on. Here we go.” 

back in real world,the squirrel raises its bushy tail straight and high, slightly twitching it.

Emma: “Oh my GOD! It’s threatening me, it’s gonna attack” 

Emma takes a cautious step forward.

Squirrel: “Oh my God! Oh My God! It moves towards me every time I move. I gotta make that roof. OK a moment’s courage and I’m on the roof!”

Again and again, careful slow advances from each until when in range, each made a dash for their respective targets. Emma slammed and locked the door, 'cause apparently she fears squirrels can unlock doors from the outside.  The squirrel leaped to the roof and scrambled over as if princess would claw her way up the roof with those nails. 

Door successfully slammed, rabies free Emma went back to her laptop. The squirrel went his way, all his nuts intact. Meanwhile, I crawled up behind Emma and grabbed her ankle under the chair while screeching like a wounded squirrel. 

We live in Connecticut. You get your entertainment when and where you can.

Later that night, Emma recants the story of the rabid grizzly-sized squirrel that nearly killed her as the squirrel, no doubt, at the squirrel club, breathlessly detailed how he, surrounded by seven huge hairless ape-like things was nearly eaten had it not been for his quick wits and olympian speed.