Left Sitting with Purse at Shopping Mall

I didn't even fight it. Been married too long and had too many daughters. I knew the score. Let all of them visit the pet store at the mall, play with the puppies and then we could leave. Fighting it would only delay our eventual leaving. Apparently, according to the family, when asked if they could get a puppy, I responded with a, "Yeah as soon as the Saints win the Superbowl". I'm from New Orleans. I was eight years old when they played their first game and 29 when they had their first winning season. I'm now 50. It was a safe bet. Anyway, post Superbowl, Saint's victory, I'm at the mall holding three purses seeking a seat while the rest of the family head for the pet store. I notice an older gentlemen, about 70, sitting on a  nearby bench with a purse on his lap gesturing to me to take a seat besides him.

So, "what ya in for?" I asked as I sat down next to him. He laughed and said that at age 72 looks like a lifer. "Yeah, me too, 50 with four daughters, youngest 8", I resigned. "Nice purse", I added. "Yeah you too, three huh? It's Ok they go with you eyes". We both laughed. "So what you do to earn this sentence," he asked me. "Think I was John Dillinger in my past life. I'm called George in this one." The older gentlemen laughed and shook hands introducing himself as "Adolph Hitler, but Robert in this life." I was actually enjoying my mall trip suddenly. "Actually", I offered after a moments reflection, "I don't think I'm so much guilty as duped." "That right?" Robert asked. "Yeah. It was the way she walked. I couldn't help myself. I'm thinking an insanity plea or something." "Don't bother. Tried that back in 1956. Didn't work. So here I am aged 72, she's 66."

A young couple, early 20's I guess walked into our view. We couldn't quite make out what they were saying but he looked agitated and we knew the score.

"So she still do it for ya when she walks, Robert?" "Wouldn't be sittin' here with a damned purse if she didn't." Robert scooted over a bit and motioned for the younger agitated fellow to join us. He readily did so seeing that it might be standing outside the cosmetics department of Macy's for a while.

"This is where I'm heading guys?" "Very perceptive young man, wouldn't you say Robert," I asked? "Truly perceptive", Robert replied and continued, "He'll still end up here with a purse on his lap". We both chuckled. The young man wasn't quite as amused. "Was it the walk or the giggle that got ya?" Robert asked the younger man. "Bit of both", he laughed.  About then a young woman, 20 something walked by quite close with a bit of both herself. The young man made eye contact and asked, "Got a boyfriend"? Robert and I laughed as I asked, "Mom still married to Dad"? Robert laughing so hard we could barely make out, "Grandpa still alive", laughing harder, "Grandma drive"?

The fun was interrupted by an amused, "enjoying yourself" from my warden, just behind me, startling all three of us. "Yeah, actually. How long ya been there?" I asked.  "Long enough to know to separate you three." "Looks like solitary for you George," Robert offered. The younger man remained quiet. We bid each other goodbye and headed home, sans puppy for now.

Male Life Expectancy

I received a phone call from my wife while sitting at my laptop and working yesterday afternoon. We usually email each other through the day. It's a great way to keep in touch yet not disturb the other at work. But yesterday, her first email was very brief, "busy!" So I set to work and didn't email her again that morning. She called to ask what the hell. No emails no phone call nothing! Didn't I care! OK, point taken. So, today I emailed regularly and didn't get a response. Apparently she was busy. So when she got home I asked so what's with no replies on the emails. She snapped back, "Oh man-up and stop being so needy ya girl"! Which leads me to ask, do lesbians live as long as heterosexual women and do gay men outlive heterosexual men. I ask as I'm certain that men die before women, a very well documented fact, because the women they live with slowly kill them, but uncertain as to wether this universal homicide is intentional, a skill slowly developed over millennia and passed down through the maternal line, or unintentional through wearing away at the male in their lives through incessantly being themselves.

Following this line of questioning/reason, if the latter, less calculating course of action applies, then perhaps the lesbians, torturing each other, would have a life expectancy of about the same duration as the tortured male heterosexual counterpart. We would have to, of course, exclude those lesbian who act like men. So, given a control group of feminine tending lesbians, using either intentional or unintentional approaches apply, they should each kick the bucket at about the age as a heterosexual male. Likewise, two gay men, living sans females, I hypothesized, should reach an age equivalent to heterosexual women. Alas, my gay friends tell me the comparison won't work as, "We all act like a bunch of women. It's like ya got two women in the house"! Which leaves us with a detailed study of feminine lesbians. Unfortunately, they're rather difficult to find and refuse to let me watch.