A Dog named George

The kids, like every other kid on the planet, want a dog. A nice fluffy little pint-sized lap-dog that smells of daises and never makes a sound. Having been down that route with a terrier that lived 16.5 years, 4.5 past the normal life expectancy for his breed, I knew what having a dog was really all about and did my best to explain to the family why I didn’t want one and they shouldn’t want one. 

They were not persuaded and have continually pestered me. My youngest was particularly persistent and the issue caused a bit of a family crisis when, frustrated, I snapped, "You can't keep your room clean. How are you going to care for a dog"! She stomped off to her room, furious and crafted a note to her mother: 

"Mom, I'm sorry I can't keep my promise to live with you forever, because I can't live with Dad"!

I relented, conditionally. They could have a dog, but only after I was dead. To my surprise, they didn’t seem too upset. To my dismay, they began researching dogs and intensified the search every time I felt a bit under the weather. Seriously, a cold would result in the two youngest rushing to a laptop to search for pets on Craig’s list. They, with the help of my dear equally wanting a dog wife, even named the eventual pet, “George”. I fail to see the humor.

Why Did Mom have to take Your name Dad?

It’s a fair question, “Why do many if not most moms change their surname to their new husband’s”? my youngest daughter, aged 9, asked. As the youngest of four, I’d heard this before and had the answer ready. 

“When you hear a noise at night, who gets up and checks?” I asked. 

“You do” she replied without hesitation, somewhat confused that this was even a question.

“And if there’s a spider in the room, who kills it”, My 14 years old added.

The realization of privilege and responsibility hit her as she responded, “ohhh”. 

Daya sat quietly by with one raised eyebrow and a bit of a smirk.

I’ve been doing all the heavy lifting and killing more spiders than I thought existed since then. The usual scenario unfolds as,

Daya: George Spider!

George: “So kill it”.

Daya: I’m a Constance

George:  “Crap”as I get a magazine to kill the insect.

Daya: “The garabage has to go out and it’s raining”!

you get the idea.

Post script:

Lats night I was in bed, baely clothed and nearly asleep when my youngest, now 10, shouted spider. Daya shouted “George”. George moaned, “I’m freakin in bed. Kill it yourself. 

Moments later, I heard a few whacks from a flyswatter. Daya climbed into bed a minute after that declaring she and the kids were all changing their names to Patel, her surname.

Dhara gets crafty

My 14 years old was punished for an attitude issue for three weekends. I marked the weekends on the family calendar. Her 10 years old sister decided to play a trick on her and add an "X" on a fourth weekend then immediately erase it. She told her older sister that it looks like she (the 14 year old) had erased a date and might even get a fifth week added to the punishment.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Daughters Mina, aged 14, Dhara, aged 10 and nephew Shyam, aged 9. were in the backset of the car when Dhara suggested a game of Rock paper scissors.

"One, Two, Three", they said together and thrust their hands forward. Dhara had paper, Shyam had scissors and Mina had her hand in the shape of a gun. "Bang, bang!" she said as she pointed at each of the other two and announced she'd won.

You Need a Doctor

My slightly hypochondriac brother-in-law was over for dinner last week. He complained of a possible tumor in his jaw and asked his PT sister what kind of doctor he needed and added, "A specialist?", His sister said, "I dunno, maybe a GP to start"? My 14 year added, "Maybe a psychologist"?

Daughter Glad I Graduated

I received my diploma for a MS in Technology Commercialization from Northeastern University last week. Yeah, I know, I'm older than some of my professors. But it's in the bag and the sheepskin arrived in the mail.

My 10 years old was sitting on the floor next to the large padded envelope that the thing came in and said she was glad I got the degree. I told her I was too and asked why she was. "For this!" she replied and proceeded to crawl over the envelope, popping the bubbles inside.

Like Oh my God, I'm like so like embarrassed, alright!

I was just yesterday driving my 13 years old and her friend, also 13, lets call her Sammy, to a frozen yogurt shop. Sammy calls her mom to let her know and has the conversation on speaker phone.

Her mom is excited and tells Sammy that she was on her way with Sammy's little sisters to the same yogurt shop. Sammy, a bit annoyed at mom's excited tone tries to get off the phone. Her mom interrupts and says, "Look, when you get there, don't embarrass me. Just pretend like you don't like know me. OK!"

Did ya know they call white people Crackers?

My dark skinned 13 year old (white dad and Indian mom) came home from school recently and asked if I knew that black people called white people "Cracker". I laughed and told her that, in fact, I'd been called as much many times. Her inquisitive wrinkled eye brows turned to a giggle as she said, "guess that makes me a 'Graham Cracker' ".