Homework

My 12 years old asked me how to multiply exponents.

I sighed and said that as soon as the get into the country they do that all by themselves. You pack 12 of 'em into a rusty old Chevy wagon, a late night run across the border and 20 years later they want the country to adopt Spanish or exponish or whatever as the nation's second language.

My daughter stared at me for a minute than added, "In math, when you have one number raised to the power of another, how do you multiply them?'.

"Ohhhh. Well I wouldn't dear. Can't see any reason to attempt it", I assured her.

"Cause it's math homework, Dad", she said, using a bit more annoyed tone than I would have dared to take with my father.

I took a look at the math problem on her assignment pad.

"Jesus that would be a big number no matter how ya did it! Why would you do something like that!" I rightly exclaimed.

My daughter gently stroked my arm, took the assignment pad from my hands and asked when her mother was getting home.

I think it's important to take an active interest in your child's education.

Serious Writing

My wife tells me I should consider becoming a serious writer. "Don't write anything humorous or light hearted?" I asked and continued "'Cause I like the lighter stuff." My wife responded that she knew I liked the lighter stuff meant I should become serious about being a writer. I thought for a second and asked her if that could include writing the lighter stuff but with a serious expression. It was at that point she called me an ass and walked away from me. I kept talking, somewhat put off by the attack, 'cause it's a small house and there wasn't anywhere in the house she could go and still not hear me. "Well, that was uncalled for" I said a bit hurt. And she was all, "How do you get through the day without dieing you idiot?" "Oh man" I was like and "are you like having a really bad period?" I added a bit of the CT valley girl up=tick at the end of the sentence, which really went over well. She just kinda glared at me and I thought I really need another cup of tea and like magic she threw one at me. "My God, I have powers!", I thought. "I really should be more serious about what I write. My thoughts have powers!" "You have the power to annoy!" Daya shouted at me as she tried vainly to find a room where she couldn't hear me. "My God I can project my thoughts into other people!" I added. "You said it out loud you moron!" my wife shouted from another room. I didn't respond. How could she, with a normal mind, understand what was happening to me. But she was right, timid and primitive as her brain was, I should be more serious about what I write. I considered events in my life and made a list of what to write:
1. If a Pit bull has ya by the throat, try not to struggle and fight. It only intimidates them. Try petting and talking nicely to it.
2. Toasting buttered bread is a really bad idea. First toast THEN butter the bread!
There's so much more, but I need to rest.

I'm like Mary!

We've already discussed this. My 8 years old, Dhara, came home from school with a note from her teacher stating that she, the teacher, wished my daughter would participate more in class. I wanted to rail on the teacher and say that inspiring the student would kind of fall into the teacher doing her job category. But I decided to play nice and replied, "I agree, but she hasn't been the same since the exorcism".

What we haven't discussed was that my 20 year old daughter, Emily, thought this was great and asked if she could go in for the parent teacher conference, which she was pretty sure would be requested. She would pretend to be Dhara's mom and when asked about the father who wrote the note would say, "There was no father", point to her self and continue, "I'm like Mary". Then she would look confused and say, "You know what that makes Dhara, huh?" with a wink. Then she'd look more confused and mutter to herself, "Kinda makes ya wonder why we needed the exorcism."