Advice to Young Men Considering Marriage

To Asian Indian Women
I've discovered a lot of books offering advice to expectant Dad's, Expectant Mom's, Mother-in-law guides, Newlywed guides and so on. But I've yet to find one offering advice from an experienced author for WHITE GUYS WHO MARRY ASIAN INDIAN WOMEN. So, I'm on it. I've already made my way through the first three chapters in their entirety and proudly offer them here as a teaser for the book when some lucky publisher discovers this blog and pays me 1.7 million dollars advance for the exclusive rights.

Chapter One: Considering
Don't Do It!

Chapter Two: Proposal
Dumb-ass. I told you not to do it.

Chapter Three: Preparing to Meet the In-Laws
Ok moron. You're gonna need to get into shape, work hard, build stamina and strength 'cause you're gonna need it. You have no idea what awaits you man. It's ugly, it's intense and won't stop coming at you, like a mongoose on a snake. That's right, you're a bog white snake (Ooo I just got that analogy) and they're vicious brown ass mongooses that don't eat meat, but will gladly chew on you and spit the bloody remains into little holes in the ground they call toilets. Oh and you're gonna Prilosec or something similar 'cause they're gonna attack you from the inside out with chemical weapons they call food. Seriously, stamina, strength and Prilosec. Only then will you ... no wait, bourbon and beer ... stamina, strength, Prilosec, bourbon and beer, and only then will you be ready to meet the future-in-laws.

Chapter Four: Meeting the In-Laws
Chapter Five: Meet the Family, All 6,000 of them
Chapter Six: What's a Foi, Fua, Gacci .....
Chapter Six: Meet the Community
Chapter Seven: The Wedding
Chapter Eight: Meet the Gods, All 6,000 of them
Chapter Nine: Who Owns the Kids?
Chapter Ten: Family Vacations

There are more chapters. But they, along with this post, will be added to a new blog dedicated to this topic. Link appearing here soon.