Alfa Romeos and Salad Spinners

I have a hard time looking at much less talking with young husband's to be. They're just so damned happy and completely naive. I mean really, the stuff that comes out of their mouth. Every single one of them talks about traveling with the wife for a few years and then settling down. Brother, you are settled, as soon as you bought that ring. The only packing your gonna be doing is a diaper bag just as soon as that bag of hormones, I mean lovely wife, places the first feather in her nest", is what I want to say, but instead say something like, "How nice. Congratulations" and mutter a "You schmuck" under my breath. How can you possibly make them understand that they're only weeks away from owning a salad spinner. Yes a salad spinner! Why the hell do I own a little plastic device that spins dry my lettuce. Honestly, can't we just toss it into a colander, the same colander that we strain spaghetti in? And then there's the rice cooker and the crock pot. I don't even know where they are now for God's sake. But I guess it could be worse. I have a friend who renovated his kitchen to the tune of what most houses cost and then had us over for pizza. Speaking of, I have to give him a call. He isn't looking so well these days. Then there was this one newlywed. He and his wife had just bought a new house and had a baby on the way, they'd put off their world traveling scheme until the kid is older, which is gonna be much older 'cause he didn't think maybe there'd be another kid or two or about school and how summer travel is 2-3 times as expensive as during the school year and when the kids ARE older he wouldn't dream of leaving the teen monster son(s) alone with his house or his teen daughters out of his sight for one freakin' minute, especially with what she's been bringing round the house lately. But I digress. He told me that he didn't like a mess and therefore had a playroom arranged so that all the kids stuff would stay in one place and not all over the house. What I wanted to do was grab him by the collar and yell, "I use to have long hair and drive an Alfa Romeo Spider. Now I'm balding and drive a mini van!". But it wouldn't do any good so, instead I warmly smiled and said, "Yeah, right, good plan", and handed him the house-warming gift my wife had picked up and added, "It's a salad spinner!"