Apparently I'm Mean

My wife tells me I have the reputation of being mean. That is, I say mean things. She can never actually recall a mean thing I've said when challenged, but is sure I do it all the time. My daughters feel the same way about me and also can't seem to recall specific mean things I've said. In reality, they think I'm mean because they fail to recognize a very significant and real difference between men and women. Men say what they're thinking, women beat around the bush, allude to things and make communication impossible even between themselves.

For instance, Daya and I are going to yet another family function when I ask her, "Is that what you're wearing?"

She responds, somewhat panicked, "What? Is it OK?"

I attempted to reply when interrupted by a now incensed Daya who asks, "Does it make me look fat? Thanks a lot. I don't go criticizing you every time you get dressed do I?" and storms off to the bedroom to change.

I just wanted to know if I could go dressed as I was in blue jeans, for God's sake. I mean I didn't ask "Are you gonna wear THAAAAT?!" Anyway, even if I did think the damned thing made her look fat, or even notice, I would have said .... well nothing. 'Cause that's a no win situation and I don't wanna be the mean one. And let's be honest folks. Clothes don't make you look fat. Cheesecake and four hours of TV a night do that.

So anyway, I've got this mean reputation and nothing to lose. So Daya returned, changed into her slimming clothes, strikes a pose and looks at me with one raised eyebrow, femaleese for "How does this look? And I dare you to not answer correctly" and holds the pose until I react.

So, I raise one of my eyebrows even higher than hers as if to say, "Oh my now THAT looks wonderful and SO SLIMMING!" but I don't actually say it as it would probably come out kind of sarcastic.

So anyway, we both smile and head for the car. As we pull out of the driveway, I look her up and down, to which she alarmingly asks, "What?!" I shrug and say, "Ahhh the other outfit looked better".